Life and Its Mysteries

Sometimes, I wonder how my life story will end. Will it be good? Will it be hard? Will it hurt me so much, when my soul’s taken away out of my body? Who will cry first? Will my friends be sad? Will someone miss me? Or will someone be happy? Will I be known in this world as a good human? Or a bad human?

But there are questions that have no answer because it’s beyond our knowledge. There are questions that remain questions untill the time brings the answers. These things are called mysteries. And the mystery of life is the most misterious things I’ve ever seen. Our past left mysteries. There are always some questions of “why” in our past, when things went wrong in our urge to control it; when things torn apart in our urge to unite it; when things were messed up in our urge to manage it. We then ask, “why?”. Even we couldn’t control who would be our parents. We couldn’t choose who would give birth to us; we couldn’t choose in what status of economy or education or social we were born.

Our present is a mystery, too. It’s a mystery when we were still playing “When I grow up, I want to be a....” in our elementary school. It’s a mystery for our past. Our future indeed a mystery. There are many questions, more than just a silly-regreting-question of “why” to our past. There are questions of “what”, “how”, “when”, “how”, “who”, and others. “What will I become?...”; “How will I become?...”; “ When will I become?....”; “Who will be my husband?...”

Questions like that. We can set our goal of course, as one way to fill in those blanks. Targets. But, still, we can only dream. Wondering about something. Trying to be. Praying. Hoping.

Now I know that whole my life is a great mystery. I cannot answer “why” to some things destined for me in my past. “Why did I have to wear glassess since 11 years old even though my mom always feed me vegetables?”, for example. Well, I can answer: “It’s all about genetic factors. Almost all of my dad’s families wear glassess.” But still I cannot answer why my dad’s families have those genetics factors.

I tried to set goal when I was a teenager. “I will study in Faculty of Psychology.” I said that to myself. I tried to answer my own mystery. My future, I tried to plan it. And now, when I’m finally studying Psychology, it’s no longer a mystery. Of course, it will be different if now I’m studying Chemical Engineering, for example. Then I might ask “why” to my past. Even when I’m studying Psychology now I still have questions to my past: “Why could I enter this university when I only answered 6 out of 20 questions in Mathematic test?”; “How was actually my score so that I could enter this university?”. They remain questions till now. And I don’t have the answers. I don’t need the answers anyway. 

Now, when I will soon get up to “final years” in university, much more questions await for me. I can only give my efforts. I don’t have any answer in my hands. I can only give what I can give to make my path, a good path that I hope will be the answer. My future remains a superbig question, a mystery that one day will solve itself as the time flies. I think I don’t need to look for the answer. Any action that I’m doing right now, any effort that I give, any pray, any hope, anything I’m doing, will shape an answer to me. The result awaits me. My future awaits me. I’m not running for it. No need to worry. Just like Keane’s song, “This life is lived in perfect symmetry...what I do, will coming back for me.”