Pekat

Nafas pekat itu berhenti sejenak
Sebelum racunnya menyentuh benak
dan air mata yang bitam kelam itu mengalir, mengandung tuak
Membuat muak

Pikirmu kau bisa berkelit lincah
Lidah-lidah berbisa yang berucap resah
Mengikat membelit segala yang kau inginkan musnah
Hanya karena tak sanggup menahan angan yang buncah

Pikirmu kau seniman ulung
Topeng-topengmu sandiwara bak pemulung
Mengais cinta untuk jiwa yang bingung
dalam ketakutan tanpa ujung

Tapi hatiku sudah bertapa
Ia melihat isyarat tak kasat mata
Sebelum nafas pekat dan air mata kelam itu kau buat senjata
Batinku siaga berjaga-jaga.


Yogyakarta, 2 Februari 2014

di atas kasur yang empuk, seempuk bualan seorang teman yang minta belas kasihan.

Thank You, Silence.

Many days we have passed without talks and chit-chats. These 3 days are just like those silent days. But now I choose to make the benefit out of it. No more crying and apologizing. No more pain and regrets. No more feeling alone and lonely. No more feelings like we cannot live without each other.

No more.

Now I'm feeling so light. Now I can taste the peace. Now I feel contempt with my own self. I am alone, but I'm not feeling alone. I am not lonely. I can feel the songs of silence. A pure melody that I've never heard before. I can hear the wind blows. I can see the sun shining bright. I can feel the warmth. I can feel my life now. I am awake.

Maybe we just need our time away. Maybe this silence is the best way to find again what we want. What we need. Maybe this is the time to think back, clearly, who we are, why we are together. To find ourselves again. Before we've gone too far and lost too deep in the labyrinth.

I don't know how long it takes until we finally talk again; whether we have to wait, or to start over. But I just want to say one thing: In this silence, I know who I am.
I hope you do the same way too.

Tidurku Tak Nyenyak Nanti Malam

Kadang samar, kadang jelas
Tidurku kini tak bisa pulas
Kepalaku beralas keraguan yang menganga jelas

Bias-bias senyum yang punya makna ganda:
entahkah nyata atau fatamorgana
Pemiliknya tak kunjung jelaskan kenapa
Membuat hati bertanya tanpa jeda

Kadang binar, kadang muram
Mata yang lembut bagai senja temaram
Buatku merasa: tidurku tak 'kan nyenyak nanti malam.

Yogyakarta, 23 September 2013