October 5, 2010-2011

Yesterday, October 5 2011.
I broke up with my boyfriend.
One year ago, October 5 2010.
I said "yes" to him.

It should've been a year.
It should've been a celebration.
But it was all pain.
Well, not all. There was laughter. There was smile. There was love, I think.
 I tried to make it clear, but it was blurred by tears.

He said that he could not go on.
"We have different world view."
He implied that I was not his type.
I said, "So you want to look for the one who is the same with you?"
He said yes.
And it was not me.


He said, "You are my best friend."
I said, "You too."
He said, "I learn so much from you. I don't wanna lose contact with you; I'll be on your side always. I'll be there."
I cried.
He cried, even louder.



So, you gave up, boy. I can't lift you up, because you don't want to. You are a free-man. Commitments made you scared. Commitments gave you a direction. But you are not toward that. Even you've never thought that we would be this long. You're not ready to stay longer. You're not willing for that, anyway.

It's hard for me to imagine how I'll keep in contact with you. Just as hard to imagine I'll find someone new.
But you said that I would. I don't know how much you guarantee that prophecy.
Till this night, I swear that you never knew, nor felt, what I feel inside.
Well, life must go on. We keep on promise -at least, you're the one who asked this- that we'll be friends.
Best friends, just like we're before. Before you said those three words and I said that yes.
It's hard. The hardest thing I have to do. But I have to.
I have to let go. I have to talk to you without lovely words anymore. I have to change this feeling.
Tell me, do you think it's easy?

You're a good-looking boy. You're smart. You're adorable. Every girl adores you. And I see how they're trying to get closer to you. I know it would never be long until you get a brand-new girl. A girl that suits you. The free one, the pretty one, the more similar characteristics of a free-thinker like you. And I have to watch that.

I pray for myself. God, please give me strength. Please.
I have to open a new page of my life. I don't wanna be sad anymore.
Happiness ia a choice. I choose that.
You will never see me down. I'll always be the best friend for you.
If it's the last hope from you, I'll make it true.
Thanks for everything. Thanks for the "sorry" words. Thanks for giving me almost a year with an extraordinary yet complicated guy. Thanks for leaving me and giving me up.
Thanks a lot, for helping me learn a lot about life.


This heart will heal itself. Time helps it. Adieu.